There's a psychological phenomenon I've been paying more and more attention to lately called the Babbitt Law. It’s a bit unsettling to talk about—it goes like this: when you help friends or colleagues with a bunch of things, they initially thank you, but over time they start taking your efforts for granted. Once you fail to help them once, they get upset, as if you've changed. I've fallen into this trap myself—trying to be the "good guy" for a long time, only to find that gratitude diminishes while expectations keep rising.

Actually, this isn’t human indifference but a mechanism of the brain. Everyone reacts strongly to stimuli at first, but with repeated exposure, the brain begins to "get used to it," and the response weakens. It’s like the first time someone gives you a gift—you’re really happy. The second time, it still touches you, but after many times, it becomes normal. Psychologists call this "stimulus adaptation," which essentially is the brain’s energy-saving mode.

Even more interesting is the neuroscientific explanation: good things initially release a large amount of dopamine, making you excited and happy. But the brain’s reward system quickly learns to predict these good events, so when they happen, they no longer produce the same level of excitement. That’s why the honeymoon phase of a relationship eventually passes, and doing the same thing again doesn’t feel as thrilling. This principle is similar to the economic concept of "diminishing marginal utility"—initially, the returns are high, but as you keep investing, the stimulation you get from the rewards gradually decreases.

Psychologist Babbitt conducted a classic weight experiment to verify this law. When people hold a 400-gram weight and then switch to 405 grams, most can feel the difference. But if the first weight is 4,000 grams and only 5 grams are added, almost no one notices. The sensation becomes a threshold game. This isn’t just about physical perception; it applies to relationships, consumer psychology, and habit formation as well. A 2016 experiment published in a UK psychology journal had participants receive different amounts of "small favors" daily. The result was that the novelty of frequent rewards quickly faded, but when the reward frequency was reduced, people valued and remembered the rewards more deeply. It’s a chilling realization—sometimes less is more.

So, how can we reverse this "marginal utility of giving" effect? First, deliberately control the frequency of your efforts to make kindness feel scarce. Don’t give everything upfront, especially in new relationships—low-frequency, high-quality kindness is more likely to be appreciated than being constantly at someone’s beck and call. When friends ask for help, occasionally take the initiative, or say, "This time I’m a bit busy, but I’ll do my best next time," which can help reset their expectations. Second, create small variations to increase unpredictability. The brain loves surprises; instead of mechanically repeating the same good deeds, change things up regularly and express care in new ways. This approach is especially effective in relationship management, team motivation, and even family dynamics. Most importantly, gracefully maintain boundaries and learn to say no when needed. Every act of kindness should make the other person realize it’s not easy to come by, and setting boundaries is actually about maintaining a "psychological threshold" in emotional connections.

Ultimately, don’t treat the Babbitt Law as a "defense shield" in social interactions. Skilled people don’t use it to manipulate others but learn to regulate their sensitivity, making deliberate choices about when and how to give. Use kindness wisely on the most deserving people and matters. Don’t let your sense of self-worth depend entirely on others’ feedback, nor treat good intentions as "hard currency" that’s always on sale. If you can apply the Babbitt Law to self-awareness, every act of kindness will carry more weight. Carefully manage your giving threshold—be sensitive when needed, be less sensitive when appropriate. No matter how others respond, you won’t lose control of your social initiative.